Do you believe John 3:16? Then why isn’t Mark 16:17–18 your daily life?
Hi, I’m Addison. You’re reading (or listening to) Bigger Than Me—a weekly guide devoted to removing the fears, doubts, and misconceptions that keep believers from healing the sick in everyday life.
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(Unsure if modern healing is something the Bible actually teaches? Start here.)
I was sick.
Nothing dramatic.
Just the scratchy-throat, nose-running, headache-inducing type of cold that lingers for far too long.
I prayed against it.
Put what little focus and energy I had into it.
And it got a bit better.
So I stopped.
Then it got worse again.
I rinsed and repeated this pattern until apathy and tiredness got the better of me and I stopped entirely.
Somewhere within that cycle, my kids got sick too.
As I watched them lying on the couch, barely noticing my presence or what was even playing on the TV through their brain fog, I felt convicted to pray.
I didn’t want to pray though.
If it wasn’t even working for me, how could I help them?
So put it off.
Later that night, I tacked on a ten-second healing command at the end of their usual bedtime prayer.
“In Jesus’ name, be healed.
Amen.”
Done.
Obligation fulfilled.
Why so quick? Why did you stop?
I had answers ready for Him.
“I already prayed.”
“I’m sick too.”
“I’m tired.”
“I need to get my own rest.”
I waited to hear a reply.
Silence.
I knew what He meant by it.
The Scoreboard
I don’t think most Christians realize how quickly we can turn prayer into a scoreboard.
Not intentionally.
We slowly construct mental columns of “worked” and “failed” prayers.
The left one fills with moments where we witnessed God intervene.
The right with disappointments: prayers that didn’t pan out how we wanted.
Before long, our willingness to pray starts rising and falling with our recent stats.
And if those stats are ugly?
Like a baseball player on a strikeout streak, we start hesitating.
Disappointment slowly convinces us we have less and less to give.
He Already Won
The problem was never about whether I took a swing or not.
It was my belief that I had already lost before lifting the bat.
The scoreboard said I was awful.
My track record condemned me.
The past screamed at me that I’d only fail again.
That’s what scorekeeping does.
It keeps your eyes on your performance.
At best it emboldens you based on your perceived victories.
At worst it shames you for not being enough.
Eventually, instead of praying for others via His compassion, you start seeing people through the lens of your outcomes.
In that space, the questions gnaw at you:
“Do I have enough confidence?”
“Have I seen enough breakthroughs lately?”
“Am I enough for this?”
Every one of the questions rooted in a focus on you.
However, this was never about your track record.
Or emotions.
Or recent successes.
It’s time to stop looking at our scoreboard for confidence.
And start looking back to Him.
A Prayer to Refocus
Dear Father,
Thank You that my confidence was never supposed to come from my track record.
Thank You that my results are not from my own power, but Yours.
Jesus, thank You that You’ve already won this.
Thank you that You have made me more than a conqueror in You.
Thank you that I can move in peace because of what You’ve done.
Holy Spirit, thank You that You remain with me even when I get discouraged, tired, or afraid.
Thank you for our oneness,
For filling me up and guiding me.
Lord, I refuse to measure Your goodness by my outcomes.
I won’t let disappointment convince me to stop standing.
And I won’t stare at the scoreboard instead of Your victory.
Teach me to keep my eyes fixed on You, Lord.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Until next time,
Addison
