If you’ve turned on a digital device or stepped into a store recently, you know two things are dominating public consciousness: political fervor and holiday shopping. If your days' aren’t filled with the barrage of texts, emails, commercials, and political mailers, its the aggressive wave of Christmas décor that barely waited for Halloween’s ghost to settle. And somewhere in the background, Thanksgiving quietly waves, taking up half a shelf of neglected seasonal items at your local Target.

This odd cocktail of holiday warmth mixed with relentless political anxiety has created a potent mental brew for many. You’d be forgiven for wondering if you've developed a new form of seasonal bipolar disorder in response.

And if you’ve somehow escaped all this digital and retail chaos? Don’t worry! You’ll get to experience all the gory details and rehashed political debates over this year's Thanksgiving dinner while feeling too stuffed to move. Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, Christmas will be right around the corner to serve it all up again, second-helpings-style.

Oh the joys of the holiday season…

All joking aside, as we gather with family this season, the dinner table will likely feature conversations with strong opinions and emotions, regardless of where we land politically. So, instead of getting bated into a heated yelling match over that news article old uncle so-and-so brings up, let’s focus on practical ways we can grow in our relationships and move in compassion together before it ever gets to that point.

Here’s a practical guide for all of us to help us approach challenging holiday discussions with compassion, honesty, and a focus on strengthening relationships rather than “winning” the conversation.

A meaningful conversation starts by recognizing that identity—ours and the other person’s—goes beyond political views. 

As we discussed in “Unfandoming,” our foundational identity is in being beloved by God, not in our opinions. Seeing each other this way shifts our mindset from viewing others as “opponents” to seeing them as loved individuals.

Remember, our true struggle is not with people themselves but with forces that cause pain and division. When we approach others as God sees them, beloved and valuable, it fosters compassion instead of conflict.

Curiosity is one of the most disarming ways to connect. 

Instead of approaching with preconceived ideas about why someone thinks the way they do, we can enter with a genuine desire to learn. By being curious, we let go of assumptions and allow the other person to feel heard and respected.

Try open-ended questions like, “What has shaped that view?” or “How did you come to see it that way?” This approach creates an open, respectful environment where both sides can explore their beliefs without feeling judged. 

Curiosity helps uncover the stories behind others' views, even if we disagree

In emotionally charged discussions, it’s easy to slip into “either/or” thinking, oversimplifying complex issues. Real-life perspectives are rarely black and white, and beliefs are often nuanced. When we frame discussions as “all good” or “all bad,” we back people into a corner, preventing open dialogue.

It’s possible to feel multiple emotions at once; someone might feel hopeful about one part of an election’s outcome but have real concerns about another. Recognizing this nuance allows space for a more authentic exchange, avoiding assumptions that force someone’s perspective into a binary. 

By embracing complexity, we allow a more productive conversation.

True listening is more than hearing words; it’s about making a sincere effort to understand the other person without immediately forming a response. Set aside your own thoughts and opinions to engage fully with their words and intentions.

During the conversation, try reflecting back what you heard to clarify: “It sounds like you’re concerned about…” or “So what I hear you saying is…” This approach shows you’re actively engaged and helps prevent misinterpretations. 

Deep listening allows for more productive conversation where both sides feel they are being understood, making it easier to share thoughts without fear of being misrepresented.

Humility is key to meaningful dialogue. Staying open to new insights allows our own perspectives to be enriched. Humility in conversation means letting go of rigid expectations and being willing to hear ideas we hadn’t considered. Rather than viewing our own beliefs as immovable, we can allow others’ perspectives to deepen our understanding.

Approach each conversation with a willingness to learn. This holiday season, let go of the need to “stick to your guns”—humility opens us to growth and connection, even if we don’t ultimately agree. Humility fosters a respectful and deeper conversation, signaling that we value the relationship over our own ego.

Emotions are real and valid, but they don’t always align with the truth. 

Strong feelings like anger, frustration, or fear can cloud judgment and prompt reactions we might later regret. As we discussed in “The Devil Wears Plaid,” it’s important to pause and check whether our feelings align with a loving response before reacting.

When emotions arise, use them as an opportunity for self-reflection. Ask yourself whether your reaction is grounded in truth or if it’s a fleeting feeling. This brief pause allows you to recalibrate and ensures that your words are constructive, rooted in truth and respect rather than in runaway emotion.

The final step is respecting others by being truthful. Being respectful doesn’t mean avoiding the truth or holding back your real perspective just to save feelings. Rather, it means checking your motives and speaking truth in a way that builds up the other person instead of tearing them down.

Ask yourself: Is my goal here to prove a point, or is it to benefit the other person? Speaking truth for the sake of love may mean expressing our perspective thoughtfully, without needing validation or agreement. And if the conversation ends with us mostly listening and asking questions, that’s perfectly okay—the goal is connection, not “winning.”

When we prioritize the person and their well-being, we reflect God’s love in a way that makes even difficult truths easier to speak and be accepted.

Ensuring compassion in divisive conversation requires humility, and an intentional focus on the relationship rather than on “winning” a debate. By practicing these steps—looking beyond politics, staying curious, avoiding extreme comparisons, listening deeply, remaining humble, filtering emotions through truth, and speaking truthfully with respect—we can mold otherwise contentious holiday conversations into positive ones.

This holiday season, let’s enter these conversations with a desire to connect, listen, and love.

Agreement isn’t the goal; understanding, respect, and honoring the image of God in each person is. So let’s move compassionately in order to strengthen our relationships, reflect God’s love, and allow us to share truth in a way that brings us closer together.

Until next time,
Addison