Won’t You Be Your Own Neighbor? A Guide to Self-Compassion

When I was eight years old, I prayed every night. These weren’t formal, scripted prayers—they were conversations. I’d tell God about my day, the weather, the games I played with friends, and the things I was excited about for tomorrow. Most of the time, I focused on what I was grateful for, and I’d ask Him to help with things I wanted for my family, my friends and of course, myself.

Those prayers were unburdened. Simple. Light.

At some point, things shifted. What once felt like a safe place to share my hopes and dreams became a courtroom. The joy of those childhood prayers faded, replaced by a heavy sense of obligation and fear of judgment.

As I grew older, my prayers became few and far between. When I did pray, the words sounded more like this:

“Lord, I know I shouldn’t even be approaching you right now. I’ve screwed up again for the 1000th time. I’m not even sure I’m being sincere because if I was, wouldn’t I have stopped doing this by now?”

I’d trail off, overwhelmed.

“I know you’re faithful to forgive me, but aren’t you sick of me? When does this end? All this forgiveness is great, but if nothing changes… what’s the point?”

Eventually, guilt and shame weighed me down. I’d roll onto my side, bracing for another restless night.

“I’ll try to do better,” I’d whisper. “Just know I’m sorry. I hope that’s enough...”

Shame clouded every conversation, turning prayer into a cycle of guilt and striving. Instead of resting in God’s grace, I was stuck under the weight of self-condemnation—unable to see the truth of what God had already done for me.